Incoherent mutterings

A bunch of stuff has been going on at Digi Shop Talk this week, some of which involves me I guess simply because I'm a designer. A thread was started by a woman who was getting frustrated by the lack of follow-through by a designer who had promised some products but had a lot of problems arise that prevented her from completing and them in the timeline she originally promised. Many people agreed that the situation was frustrating. Many more expressed that they wish the thread had not been started and the situation had been handled privately between customer and designer. That's as neutrally as I can describe it. Many discussions have followed regarding freedom to criticize designers and their work openly. Several people pointed out that many designers are small entrepeneurs who have to carefully balance time and resources between home life, work life, and sometimes other work life too. And for that they need to be given more leeway than big "corporations" who don't deliver on their promises. It may surprise you that my opinion falls more on the side of the consumer than the designer on this one. Certainly we need to treat one another as human beings, but then again I would do that with a customer service rep at a large store too. That's just plain good manners, good business. Shoot the designer or store owner an email and give them a chance to make you happy. But if it doesn't happen, then heck yeah you need to be able to voice those grievances and maybe force the hand of the designer to pay attention to your concern. But the larger issue to me is really the nature of forum posting. Controversial threads seem to have a lifespan, a series of stages they must go through. Some of those include the "bandwagon" posts, where people who wouldn't have been brave enough to post the original opinion have more nerve once someone else does it, so they jump in. These are often followed by the "shame on you"-ers or the "we've had enough of this"-ers who want to stifle the thread (that they have the freedom to scroll past and not open). Defense, accusation, and sometimes even the intervention of one's mother follow. We can all be proud that no one, not even once, mentioned Hitler. And after that there's a draining spiral as talk continues to go round and round and the original point is generally the first thing to be flushed while the ranting and raving continues. So why do we feel compelled to continue these discussions? Once the natural lifespan of a thread is reached, who contributes to the downward spiral? Oftentimes I think it's people who feel they aren't quite getting their points across and must reiterate and reiterate until someone, ANYONE, steps up and agrees with them. Once you get that verification, you can relax. I don't think the majority of people posting on those threads want to generate ill will or fight. They just want to be heard and understood. But once you get to that point, is anyone listening anymore? Personally, I find two things about DST. First, it's an awesome place because it ingenders comparisons among us. Hey look, in Australia Christmas is in the summer, did you know that? That's so cool! Hey look, someone from Germany used the same kit I did and it looks so cute! Maybe I'll email her and ask her to translate the title for me. But second, DST is a hurtful place* because it engenders comparisons among us. Comparing our layouts, our CT blinkies in our sig lines, our very lives based on what? An image on a screen. Shoot, there was even a thread in the designer forum where we anonymously compared our salaries. Talk about a kick in the head! It's a great way to feel small, comparing like that. And I may be wrong, but I think sometimes our forum postings are attempts to bring that self-esteem back up to a level we can live with. We may say things to feel superior again, or at least less inferior. Is that why I use my $10 vocabulary words, because deep down I'm afraid that I might be a total moron and I don't want anyone to know? Maybe. *(I should mention that I don't really consider DST as hurtful in itself. It's how we act there.) I think one way to keep these kinds of threads from getting out of hand is to look at the place you're posting from before you hit send, not just the words you've typed but the feelings you're having as you type them. If you're feeling hurt, or defensive, or righteous, maybe you should let those words simmer a bit before deciding to post them. They may not sound as neutral to the reader as you think. And just keep in mind that comparisons are useless. Be you. Doesn't mean you have to shove it in anyone's face. Who you are might be NOBODY's BUSINESS. But be it anyway.